Start learning everything you can about Childhood Emotional Neglect and how it might have happened in your family.Once you realize you are coping this way, a whole new world opens up for you. I also want to tell you that although suicidal thoughts are a one-way street, you can decide to take a different path. If you see yourself in this article, I hope that you are beginning to question yourself. You bypass a chance to learn and practice healthy ways to cope that you can build on. Each and every time you use this as a coping skill you not only do yourself deep harm, you also miss a very important opportunity. If, over time, your brain has settled on using suicidal thoughts as one of your go-to ways to cope, I want to share with you a very, very important truth. They are all doing untold depths of damage to themselves by continually thinking about suicide and using it in this way.They are all unaware that they are using suicidal fantasy as a coping mechanism.They are all minimizing the damage that this act leaves in its wake, without exception.They are all romanticizing the idea of suicide, which is, in reality, painful and messy.4 Shared Factors of All Who Use Suicidal Thoughts to Cope But they do all share a few common, inescapable factors. There are endless variations in how individual people use suicidal fantasies to cope. Still more, like John, imagine it a way to avoid dealing with difficult things. Others, like Wilson, think of it as the ultimate escape (perhaps with the added bonus of leaving others wondering what happened). Some, like Betty Ann, think of suicide as a way to finally communicate their pain to others, perhaps leaving them feeling guilty. In my work with many hundreds of people with Childhood Emotional Neglect, I have noticed that it is not uncommon for CEN people to unconsciously fall into a pattern of relying on suicidal thoughts to cope. When John finds himself in a situation that feels overwhelming or impossible, he thinks about how easy it would be to simply bow out of life so he wouldnt have to deal with it. When Wilson is overtaken by sadness and hurt about his divorce, he imagines walking miles into the forest until he wastes away, never to return. When colleagues ganged up on Betty Ann at work, she started imagining her own funeral, with all of the people at work gathered together and discussing, in hushed whispers, how guilty they felt. In fact, your brain may choose it for you. Perhaps you will find yours as a child, or perhaps as an adolescent or adult. When you are in this situation, what can you do? You must find a way to cope, and you will find one. It is very hard to go through life without the skills you need to manage your feelings. Lacking the set of skills that would enable you to use your emotions as the informers, drivers, energizers, protectors, and connectors they are meant to be, you may have few skills to use at times of pressure, panic, or pain. Growing up in an emotional void sets you up to go through your adult life in that same void. How are you supposed to learn what to do when you feel sad, angry, hurt, or alone, for example? How are you supposed to even know when you have a feeling, much less identify that feeling, tolerate it, understand its message, or express it? It is possible to feel like a helpless victim of your own thoughts. I have heard many people express confusion about why they have these thoughts so often, and many would desperately like it to stop. It can be baffling for therapists, but far more so for the sufferers. People who seem to have everything going for them and much to live for. This is because, as most therapists will tell you, some of the most unlikely people struggle with suicidal thoughts. Therapists call it suicidal ideation, and many therapists ask their clients about it as a routine part of their first session with clients. Some believe they may someday act on their thoughts, but many do not. Some have a plan in mind and some do not. I am talking about the scores of people who think about suicide often. Suicidal Thoughtsīut there is another group of folks, much larger than you would probably ever think, that struggles with suicide on a daily basis in a distinctly deep and personal way. There are a plethora of articles expressing concerns about the suicide rate, but few that talk about the causes or address prevention in a practical and detailed way.
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